Sydney Writer's Festival 2017

I love going to the SWF, there is always a great buzz in the air and I've had the most wonderful experiences there over the years.

This year due to other commitments I could only go down on the Friday, so I took an annual leave day, got up at 5.30am and caught the Shitkansen down.

I love arriving by train at Circular Quay, you always get those fabulous views from the station. Knowing I'd be busy once I arrived at the festival and that I had to leave promptly to get home for the Symphony, I took time prior to have brunch at Rossini's.

After some people watching at the Quay, and feeling satisfied from the feed, I headed around to Walsh Bay. It's a great walk, with stunning views of the harbour, Opera House, and the bridge. You're also walking on the edge of The Rocks, and see those great old buildings against newer architecture.

I had time for a little wander and work out where I would be seeing my sessions before lining up for my first session. 

It was right next to the green room, so I did a bit of celeb spotting - and writers are my kind of celeb - I saw Wendy Whiteley, Richard Fidler, and Caroline Baum.

Finally we were seated for Fictional Truths. This panel featured Heather Rose, who wrote my latest favourite book, The Museum of Modern Love, and Chris Kraus, a seminal NY feminist writer. 

They both spoke about adding real life and history to fiction and how to marry the two. 

Heather spoke about her idea of intertwining art and love into her story and she wanted to use Marina Abramovic. She worked on the story for 10 years and when she commenced Marina had not held her The Artist is Present exhibition, which was used within the book. Although Heather had ideas about using Marina at a table and people confronting her. She worked on the story on and off, and at the same time Marina and her art were becoming more popular, culminating in that exhibition which Heather attended. She spent a lot of time at the MOMA, and 'sat' with Marina 4 times. She eventually wrote to Marina and asked permission to us her in the book, and was granted permission. She has never spoken to Marina as such though.

Chris was less structured, her seminal book, I Love Dick, was about an affair with a man whilst she was married and she never really hid the fact, nor did she ask him permission. He got a bit upset, and for the most part she ignored him. Chris is in her 60s now, a very Jewish New Yorker, my kind of gal, unapologetic and hilarious. I had heard of her but never read anything by her.

After the session I headed to the bookstore, I had allotted myself ONE book and had already chosen it, but now I felt I needed to by I Love Dick, and I did and got Chris to sign it, being very deaf, we had a clumsy short conversation, but was still cool.

Then I saw Heather sitting by herself, surely she would have a huge line of people wanting their books signed. I had read her book, loved it, but did't have my own copy. I was so drawn to the book, her ideas, Marina etc, I went an bought myself a copy and headed over. She was a sheer delight and here is why writer's festivals are so great, you get access to the minds of books you love. The ultimate thrill. Heather and I spoke for about 10 minutes about the book, her experiences with Marina. I told her about my own experiences at The Artist is Present here in Sydney a few years back. She asked me what I liked the most, and we spoke about widening perspective. We also spoke generally about art and books. It was a deep, thrilling conversation. My day was pretty much made. 

I moved on to my other session, lining up. This was Tragedy plus time and featured the stars of the show, Paul Beatty and Roxane Gay. I have been a huge fan of Gay since I read Bad Feminist, I fell in love, what wit, what intelligence, I wish! ANd I was halfway through Beatty's, The Sellout, the winner of the Man Booker prize this year.

I was lucky to sit in the front row and was mesmerised by these great writer's talking about their craft, their upbringing, and humour. Both are very funny, Gay, intentionally so, although her fiction is far more dramatic. Beatty doesn't mean to be funny, it is just his style. Gay worships humour yet looks like such a serious gal, and Beatty is nonplussed about humour yet has this laughter switched on face. They were fascinating people to watch, let alone listen to.

After it finished, I grabbed a cab and made my train which gave me just enough time to get to the Symphony.

On the train ride home I reflected on the 2 amazing talks and 4 brilliant authors and was sad I couldn't take more in. There were so many more amazing sessions. Next year I really should block out the 4 days and stay in Sydney!

JULY ROUND UP

July got off to a lovely, peaceful start with an impromptu dinner out on the Friday night with J and A to Sprout dining at the Crown and Anchor hotel, and a laid back birthday lunch for K with V and N at Milanos on the lake at Pelican on the Sunday.

In between I headed to Sydney to participate in Marina Abramovic in Residence. J and I took an early train down on a lovely sunny day, had brunch at Circular Quay, and a wander and shop around the Quay and at The Rocks Markets before parting ways. You can read about my experience at Marina Abramovic in Residence here.

After a month of ups and down mental health wise, it was nice to have a fairly grounded month, with minimal issues, lots of time to contemplate and meditate, and to just try and get my mojo back, and I am pleased to say I feel better than I have in a long while. Don't get me wrong, there were still moments, but they were few and short stayed.

I do think the Abramovic experience really set the tone and helped me immensely. I've also gotten back on track to a small schedule of exercise (my foor is raelly on the mend but not quite there), and trying to be as healthy as someone who loves food and hates exercise can be.

I've managed a lot of lunches and catching up with wonderful people this month. My friends and family really help ground and grow me, thank you everyone, you know who you are. J and I had lunch at Cafe 56. Talulah, as always, was the backdrop to out fabulous bookclub. R, C, and I indulged at Coco Cubana, highly recoomend if you haven't experienced it! C and I had morning tea at Qs. B and I had lunch at the Jones Sisters. A was in the city, so C, J, L, and I caught up with her for breakfast at The Locale. J, C, and I had a great meal at Pippys prior to seeing Love and Mercy at Lake Cinema.

Love and Mercy is part of the Brian Wilson story and it was magnificent. It mostly covered the Svengali part of his life with flashbacks to the Pet Sounds/Good Vibrations recordings. None of this was news to me, but it still broke my heart. Brian was a genius, and like most geniuses he could be a little difficult, and had some mental health issues but people kept pushing and pushing, no one helped. And then the wrong kind of people take advantage (think Cobain, Winehouse, Elvis, and many more) Why does this happen?

My only minor issue with the film was John Cusack - who I love - played him in the later stages, he was very very good, remarkable in fact, BUT you always knew it was Cusack, which was a bit of a shame. Paul Dano as the flashback Brian was a revelation, he became Brian, I believe a lot of the singing was Dano too. Elizabeth Banks - who has always irritated me - was stunning as Brian's savior - it's always an amazing woman who saves the hero, this I love! And Paul Giamatti as the evil Dr Landy was deliciously bad.

And then there was the music, and you got many, many scenes about the behind the scenes creation of those glorious sounds, I revel in this sort of thing, the scenes and music brought tears of joy to my eyes. Watching songs like God Only Knows and Good Vibrations take shape was one of the most glorious things I have ever seen on film. As a music geek this rocked my boat more than I can say.

The films concentrates on the late 60s and the 80s, and there is much much more to the story than that, but it works and I think adding in more would have blown the movie out too much. Whilst there are some deep dramatic parts to this movie there are also great highs and joy. You don't have to be a Beach Boys fan to love this movie, but if you are you will love it as I did.

A, L, and I ate at the French Market and watched the fabulous Me, Myself, and Mum at French Friday.

Me, Myself, and Mum was a wonderful film about a very feminine boy and his relationship with his family and all the boys he had crushes on, told as a one man show, with flash backs to the times he acted out. He also played his mother. It sounds a little contrived and complicated but it was not. It was very funny with a couple of dramatic bit and a huge twist at the end. Well worth looking out for.

C and I took time to head to Caves Beach for a High Tea/Fundraiser to help N and J and Life Project Cambodia.

J and I supped at McGrourty's (without incident!!!) and saw the wonderful play, Seminar.

Seminar is a Pulitzer Prize nominated play about 4 young writing students who hire an ex professor to help them with their novels. He is a dubious character and factions start to form within the group. It was funny, modern, and on topic, with excellent acting, especially from Carl Caulfield as the professor.

And for something different, J, C and I met up with L and S at The Newcastle Museum for University of Newcastle Professor's talk on The Earth. This was a fascinating, intellectual lecture that showed us how The Earth was measured over the centuries and how the changes to The Earth are effecting us now - which is rather scary indeed. 

Work was busy, I'm working on a few interesting projects and slowly progressing all of them, plus some physical changes to the library had me flat chat and happy, we ended the month with East of Eden as our After Hours Movie.

As always I spent time at the Lake Macquarie Farmers Markets, and walked at Green Point.

And plenty of movie, television, book, and music reviews.

Finally, some photography

Cathy is present: experiencing Marina Abramovic and her residency in Sydney

When you mention performance art to people, you get interesting reactions, mostly 'well, that's not art.'

And well, it's not a Monet, a Picasso, a Warhol, or even Dali's lobster phone.

But it IS art, like theatre is art, like music is art, like anything creative is art. 

Art can come in all forms, and it can touch your soul or irritate the shit out of you.

Like beauty, it is in the eye of the beholder.

Yesterday, on a gloriously sunny winter Saturday, I headed to Sydney to participate in some performance art.

I was definitely well out of my comfort zone. I don't like participatory exercises, they make me cringe and irritable. If I am at the theatre and instructed to participate my initial thoughts are I paid YOU to entertain ME, not the other way round. I am not even a fan of clapping in unison at concerts (although I will always join in vocally), mostly as I am a rock snob, but that's a whole other story.

So why did I head all the way to Sydney to participate in something that would most certainly make me feel uncomfortable?

Marina Abramovic.

Marina, at 69, is up there with Yoko Ono as a avant-garde performance artist. Over the years she has pulled off some crazy feats in the name of art. But she also has contributed great heart and soul to the world of art. There is something enigmatic and charismatic about her, and I find myself very drawn to her and what she does...even if some of it makes me feel uncomfortable.

When I heard she was doing a residency as part of the Kalder Public Art Projects I was intrigued. Reviews I read were sketchy, it sounded almost completely interactive, and Marina may or may not even be there. Would I go?? As awkward as it made me feel, I felt I really had to go...in a way I couldn't exactly explain.

My friend R kindly got me a VIP pass, which I presumed would get me in ahead of crowds given the whole experience was free. So I decided to go. Unsurprisingly no one was too keen to accompany me! But that is ok, sometimes things are to be experienced alone, and hey, if anyone does alone well, it is me!

Each day the residence begins at midday, so I headed towards Pier 2/3 at Walsh Bay around 11.30 in case there were queues, and there was. I headed gingerly to the front of the line...even doing that made me feel uncomfortable, lol! The guy there had no idea what my pass meant but directed me to the other side of the building, I almost gave up and just jumped in line, which probably would have taken forever and I would walk away. But there was this determination in me that pushed through the fear. I headed around to the side entrance and was greeted and put into a small group of other VIPs.

We moved through the big sheds with a guide giving us loads of background information about how the residency was going, Marina, participants etc. Marina was in and out of the main section all the time but tried to keep a low profile. She was also working with the other artists in residence on the top floor of the building. The artists in residence had all struggled settling into their spaces, but were now working more comfortably. Some people were coming back multiple times and staying all day. Marina had noticed some of these, and would approach them, and talk to them, and ask them to do 'homework' overnight and bring it in the next day...it wasn't specified what the homework was. The guide wouldn't let us into the area until it had filled a little, to ensure the room had the right vibe for that. At that point I must admit I was thinking the whole thing was a bit of a wank.

We were finally allowed to enter, probably only 5 mins or so after it opened.

We were asked as we entered to read Marina's statement about the residency, and then asked to put all our gear in lockers, including phones and watches. Then we were asked to go to the warm up room, where about 50 other participants were warming up to a video of Marina talking us through physical activities. None were strenuous, but some felt ridiculous, but the vibe of the room was just give it a go, and people were either quietly intense or friendly and happy. Exercises included rubbing/massaging various parts of your body to wake them up, eg lips, chest, heart etc. Also a great breathing one which really seemed to clear my sinuses (going to do it regularly I think).

I didn't do the whole thing, most didn't, the room started to fill more and I moved on to the next room where you were given a pair of headphones to wear. This blocked out all sounds.

I then walked into the main area which was open plan but divided by a few walls. Everyone was quiet and wandering slowly, everyone wearing headphones were participants and then there was heaps of young, beautiful people in black not wearing headphones. They are the facilitators who can guide you through the experience. As I walked slowly looking and wondering what I was going to do a gorgeous young male facilitator took me by the hand and slowly walked me to the area where large wooden framed chairs were facing each other. There was a man in the chair facing me. We smiled. This exercise is based on her famous, The Artist Is Present, exhibit from 2010 at The Moma.

The lovely man and I sat opposite each other for some time. Initially it was excruciatingly painful and embarrassing for me. I couldn't hold his gaze completely, but neither could he. We smiled and kinda laughed but it was incredibly confronting, but eventually we got into a groove and it was very intense. Initially my internal dialogue was freaking out, I'd love to hear a recording of what was going on in my head! I got a point where I calmed down and was comfortable but felt spent and moved to get up and he did the exact same thing at the exact same time, we weren't reacting to each other, it just happened. It was surreal.

I had hardly moved from that when another facilitator took my hand, this time a happy looking young woman. She took me to an area where lots of camp beds with pillows and blankets were set up and with a sweeping gesture suggested I lay down. Remember no talking, can barely hear any noise, all silent. I lay down on the seriously comfortable camp bed and she pulled a grey blanket over me and gently tucked me all the way in and then massaged my temples for a bit. At first I was a little embarrassed, but that left me fairly quickly. After she left I lay there staring at the ceiling, feeling warm and relaxed and completely comforted. I thought about the experience thus far and what else I would I participate in. I thought about the anxiety that had returned the past 6 months after decades of lying dormant. I wondered if I was subconsciously compelled to attend this to assist the anxiety as I felt more calm and still and present than I had been in a long time. I say subconsciously as I didn't know enough about the experience to know it would sooth my soul. Eventually I must have fallen asleep as I may or may not have woken myself with a little snorty snore. Thank goodness for the headphones.  How long I laid there I couldn't tell you, I had completely lost the concept of time, it could have been minutes or hours, I had no idea.

I headed towards the next activity when a facilitator took my hand and led me back to the gazing chairs...sigh. I was seated opposite a lovely young South American woman with an infectious smile that helped ease my discomfort. We smiled and it was amusing and funny. Slowly her smile left her face and we were eyeball to eyeball, the intensity and drama of her eyes were palpable, I felt incredibly moved, like she had some grave sadness behind the smile, my eyes filled with tears and hers became glassy. The moment passed, I looked down to clear my head, we stayed a little longer, then she got up put her hands together and bowed before leaving. I sat there to collect my thoughts.

The next activity was large pieces of cardboard pinned to pillars with a chair directly in front. I chose a lovely blue, even though I wanted the purple, but it was taken. I love to meditate, but don't think I ever completely clear my head of thoughts, my internal dialogue is pretty strong, lol, but I came close this time. I almost fell asleep I was that still and calm, the blue was soothing too. In front of me another activity was going on, one I knew I wouldn't participate in, so I watched it for a bit while sitting there. People were walking incredibly slowly in a large oval, some singularly, some holding hands. And when I say slow, think about walking as slow as you can possibly go, and then slow down a hundred times more and you might get how slow they were. I knew I couldn't walk that slow and would end up laughing or disturbing others. They reminded me of that scene in Plan 9 From Outer Space, where they are running from the aliens (if you know that scene you will know what I mean), that thought made me smile and worried I would get the giggles I moved on.

This time I was led gently by another lovely young man to a platform where many participants stood still with their eyes closed. People were close but not touching. He led me up, it was only a few inches off the ground and motioned for me to close my eyes, all the while holding my hand. Then he gently massaged my shoulders for a little while and tapped me and left. Standing so close to all these other zen, still people with ears blocked by the headphones and eyes shut was surreal. I cannot begin the explain the beautiful energy I felt from standing there and I cannot begin to tell you how long I stood there, I have no idea. After a while I felt a little rocky, so I opened my eyes and stood down. I then sat in a chair close by and watched that for a while before moving on to the last activity.

The last activity was separating grains into colours and counting them. This simplistic activity is to help clear your mind by concentrating on something simple, the area was full and I waited for a while and eventually decided to leave.

I handed my headphones back, collected my stuff and slowly walked out. There was a debriefing room where you could talk about your experience, but I wanted to hold it close and continue to be quiet. I walked slowly through the back area of the experience and up to the top floor where the other artists in residence were, I walked around there but eventually moved on.

I left the building, and wandered slowly around the pier catching the sun. A few memories were triggered by being there and along with my experience I found myself in tears. Not sobbing just tears, I sat down and eventually felt this calmness wash over me, the moment had passed. I guess it was a release after such an intense experience.

I then ran into one of the ladies who came in with me, an older lady in her 80s I think, we spoke for a little while about it, she was quite moved but had had enough, the people she were with were still inside. I left her sitting there contemplating it all and moved on. The rest of the day I walked slowly, I wouldn't call myself a fast walker, but I never walk this slow, but it felt right and comfy. I knew this zen would hang around and possibly be difficult to shake, not that I wanted to anyway. I had planned on some shopping, but I no longer had interest in that, I mostly wandered The Rocks and The Quay, sitting and thinking and watching the world pass by from time to time. I felt calm and quiet and present.

A day later I still feel like that, my life isn't changed, my anxiety is probably not banished, and I am sure at some point the calmness will move on, but I feel from all I observed and did that afternoon, if I take the time - and I sure will take the time - I feel I can return to that state when I wish.

How long was I there? I would have said a little less than an hour, but it was double that time, not quite two hours. It all sounds a bit airy fairy and a bit wanky possibly, and that's ok, the cynic in me was prepared for that, but you know, it never really felt like that. The whole exercise was definitely about shedding inhibitions, being still, being in the present, affording those you are with the time and presence and energy they deserve, and to heal. Because we all need love and healing, no matter how well we are feeling in our lives.

I particularly loved the hand holding, touching, tucking into bed etc. This was a revelation, cause I am not at all good with complete strangers touching me. But it was incredibly comforting, and as an adult, when was the last time someone tucked you into bed? It may sound childish, but what is wrong with that, I highly recommend it.

And the thing I took with me the most was how wonderful each and every participant was. Kind, considerate, generous, and respectful. I mean, people could have been arseholes, disturbed the zen, laughed crassly, been rude, but I didn't experience or see that.

And finally Marina!! I think I caught a glimpse of her holding someone's hand and taking them to the camp bed, she was in a hooded jacket and I am certain it was her face. I guess that makes sense, to be sort of hidden, if she was brazen and out there, it would break the vibe of the room. I thought I would be disappointed not to see her, yet when I did - and I cannot even be certain I did - I really didn't care at all.

So, yes it was uncomfortable and confronting, but once I got over that it was such an experience of transcendence and beauty, I kinda wish I could do a little of it every day.