Tuesday, November 29, 2016


October was challenging, my mental health dropped to levels I hadn’t seen in a while, mostly manifesting itself in severe anxiety and a lot of self doubt. Somehow I managed to keep the black dog from biting me, but only just!

Many things contributed to this, everything seemed to fall apart at once, but truly they are not worth focusing on now. I just did the best I could do, talked to people, went back into therapy, and tried to keep busy but have plenty of down time...but not too much. It was a juggling act all month and the only thing keeping me going was knowing I had a month off in November.
I have no shame in discussing this, I think it is important to acknowledge the bad times just as we celebrate the good times. And I guess as I write this I know I am very far away from the person I was in October. And many of the issues I was having are now resolved, which of course makes it easier to march forward brightly.
It can be very difficult to try and walk in this troubling world when you are a sensitive person. But you know, I refuse to become hard about things, I will continue to care and be kind, and look after those around me and just try not to let the arseholes win. I deserve better. We all do.
And surrounding myself with love and beauty is one of my favourite things. My family and friends were – as always - supportive and kind, and I really hate singling people out but my two lovely friends C and J could not have been more sweet and kind, and I owe them so very much for keeping me going during this time. When I felt low and sad and wondered why I was even here, they kept me boosted and gave me reason to feel like it is all worthwhile.
Also at the beginning of the month I said goodbye to a close friend and mentor, and I still cannot believe he is no longer with us. The funeral was beautiful and simply gut wrenching. When someone dies unexpectedly and young, there are no words that can suitably describe your feelings. It still hurts.
But it wasn’t all doom and gloom. At work I had the pleasure of some comfortable faves, we re-read (for the millionth time) one of my all-time favourite books, Pride and Prejudice, for our lovely bookclub, and Casablanca for Movie Night. These are both the book and film I am certain I have watched the most in my life, huge sentimental faves and utterly romantic and beautiful and everything.
C and I had a Thai Feast and watched the amazing Miss Peregrine at the beginning of the month.
I went on a date for the first time in ages, it was a good date, but he ended up being not for me. C’est Le Vie.
I did a lot of walking, this was good!

I had a lovely afternoon in Newcastle, at the Art Gallery, the beach, and being at the book launch for a fab book on Buffy and Feminism!

We celebrated my nephew turning 14! Oh my, where have the years gone.
My Twitter bookclub discussed The Narrow Road to the Deep North by RIchard Flanagan.

And I finished the month seeing Morrissey at our Civic Theatre.

And a bit of therapy photography.

And a pic to show I was really trying not to feel miserable!

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