2020:let us roar!

2020 feels fresh and new.
I guess every new year does, but 2020, it feels super fresh and super new!

I cannot explain why, maybe because it is a new decade (but other than 2000, I've never felt that before), maybe the numbers 2020 (perfect sight, clarity, clearness), or maybe I am really hopeful my life will start to turn around after 2 less than stellar years.

I will be turning 50 this year and whilst I actually feel the best I have in a long, long time, despite the past 2 years, I feel because of the past 2 years I need to find something more meaningful to really move past the bad.

I haven't done resolutions in a long time.
And I have moved away from the whole list of things I want to achieve.
Life gets in the way and I'd rather try and live in the moment!
Appreciate what I do have. Find those transient moments of joy.

I intend on spending this year embracing whatever comes my way.

I don't want my life planned within an inch of itself.

I want space to breathe.

I want to sit still AND move fast, depending on what is going on.

I need to sit and daydream and watch the clouds form and think.

I also need to dance and walk and move.

Having said all that, there are things I need to do to help bring back a little clarity in my life. But only when they feel right and putting a time frame on them will only be harmful for my anxiety and stress levels. So I need faith and trust in letting things move mostly organically, with a little push when the time feels right!

They all revolve around one thing - where am I headed in my life or clarity of my being.

And such important decisions cannot be rushed.

The basics are better health (mental and physical), better finance, and removal of obstacles (things and people and self doubt).

I do have a lot of things I have been slowly changing and adding to my life over the past decade and I will continue to do them.

I feel I need to concentrate on four things to assist in this.

1. A Holiday - I really need a break, get away, soak in new surrounds. And I will. This is my treat for surviving cancer - well over a year ago - and I deserve it. It is nothing too fancy, but I am so looking forward to Womad and a couple of weeks exploring Adelaide followed by a week with my beautiful sister in Melbourne. I'll have a very well needed 5 week break from work to do this which will also incorporate a staycation which I love.

2. Cultural pursuits - this is my meditation. Music, Theatre, Film, Art, Literature, Photography, Flaneuring. However, what I really need to do is schedule more time to write. I have consolidated all my ideas from the past few years over the past week, and they need fleshing out. I seem to be good at writing the bones of an idea and then never returning to it. Time is often against me, I shall make the time this year. It will also help declutter my overfull mind!

3. Dream and think - I have a lot to think about, a holiday and cultural pursuits will calm me and settle me and clear my mind and allow better thoughts and ideas to filter through. At least that is how it works for me!

4. Helping others/change the world - one of the great things we can do in this life is to help others. Obviously working in a public library is the essence of that. But I can do more. I have a few ideas of where I can assist, little things, but they might make a difference. AND I read something about the Roaring 20s and the things we need to roar about. Politics, Climate Change, Poverty, Refugees, Sexism, Racism, Misogyny, Bullying, and Cancer. These are things that rattle me, so I will do whatever it takes to reduce them all and I am open to suggestions and assistance. We cannot stand back and let the world around us fail.

l obviously would like a stress and anxiety free year, but thing is I cannot completely control that. I can only control my actions and thoughts when confronted with less than stellar situations. I waded through a fair bit of chaos and fuckwittery last year, and it almost broke me and left me bitter. Almost!!!

So I will continue to be considerate and kind and zen and still and most importantly, hopeful. I can manage that. But I guess I need to be prepared for anything! Cause C'est La Vie!

Finally, I have been working on these thoughts since NYE, and just as I was finishing them I real Neil Gaiman's blog, and he wrote the following. So much more eloquent and far less verbose than me...sigh...that's why he's the gold standard!

"And I hope in the year to come you won't burn. And I hope you won't freeze. I hope you and your family will be safe, and walk freely in the world and that the place you live, if you have one, will  be there when you get back. I hope that, for all of us, in the year ahead, kindness will prevail and that gentleness and humanity and forgiveness will be there for us if and when we need them.

And may your New Year be happy, and may you be happy in it.

I hope you make something in the year to come you've always dreamed of making, and didn't know if you could or not. But I bet you can. And I'm sure you will."

2019: The year of reviews

So 2019 was not my best year, you can read about that here, but oh boy there was a lot of amazing culture to consume and that is what I did to soothe my poor wounded soul.

Thank you to those that shared these beautiful and rich experiences with me, here's to more in 2020.

Here are my lists!

Books

I read 78 books this year. 17 Fiction, 30 NF, 31 Biographies/Memoirs. 33 by males, 41 by women, 4 edited. 2 LGBTQIA, 10 POC, 30 Australian.

1. Boy Swallows Universe - Trent Dalton
2. The Library Book - Susan Orlean
3. The Year of the Monkey - Patti Smith
4. One Hundred Years of Dirt - Rick Morton
5. Belonging - Michelle Obama
6. Bruny - Heather Rose
7. Your Own Kind of Girl - Clare Bowditch
8. The Handmaids Tale/The Testaments - Margaret Atwood
9. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Eric Idle
10. Growing Up Aboriginal in Australia edited by Anita Heiss
11. Australia Day by Stan Grant
12. The Arsonist by Chloe Hooper
13. Too Much Lip by Melissa Lucashenko
14. Funny Girl by Nick Hornby
15. Dark Emu by Bruce Pascoe
16. I Built No Schools in Africa by Kirsten Drysdale
17. Normal People by Sally Rooney
18. Dear Fatty by Dawn French
19. JPY by John Paul Young
20. Place on Dalhousie by Melina Marchetta

Television

Spoilt for riches at the moment, in fact, I would say there is too much television.

1. Game of Thrones
2. Watchmen
3. Fleabag
4. Killing Eve
5. What We Do in the Shadows
6. Mr In Between
7. The Durrells 
8. Shrill
9. After Life
10. Mum
11. Better Things
12. Family Law
13. Veep
14. Gavin and Stacey/Christmas Special
15. Peep Show
16. Chernobyl
17. Total Control
18. Years and Years
19. Riviera
20. Barry

Special mentions to those that didn't make it to the list: The Americans, The Good Place, Sally 4 Eva, Crashing (US), Crashing (UK), Counterpart, Orange is the New Black, Gentlemen Jack, Fosse/Verdon, This Is Us, Glitch, Summer of Rockets, The Affair.

Television - Documentary/Non Fiction

I am not a fan of reality shows, but I guess there are a couple in here that could be seen as that. 

1. Escape to the Chateau
2. Gogglebox
3. The Clinton Affair
4. Old People's Home for 4 year olds
5. Treasures of the British Library
6. Comedians in Cars getting coffee
7. Anh Do's Brush with Fame
8. Great British Bakeoff
9. You Can't Say That
10. Travel Man

DVDs
1. Blakklansman
2. Stan and Ollie
3. Toy Story 4
4. Hotel Mumbai
5. Captain Marvel
6. The Party
7. Hotel Artemis
8. Capharhaum
9. Mary Poppins Returns
10. Let the Sunshine In

Special Mentions: C'est la Vie, Spiderman:into the Spidey Universe, Welcome to Marwen, Loro, Us, Destination Wedding, Late Night, Little.

DVDs - Documentaries
1. The Fall
2. Working Class Man
3. RBG
4. Price of Everything
5. Above us only sky

Movies
1. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
2. Juliet Naked
3. Mystify
4. The Public
5. The Favourite
6. Sink or Swim (French version)
7. Judy
8. Return of the Hero
9. Avengers Endgame
10. Star Wars: rise of the skywalker

Special Mentions: A Star is Born, En Liberte, Rocketman, Frida Kahlo doco

Music
1. Cuz I love you - Lizzo
2. The Teal Album - Weezer
3. Go further in lightness - Gang of Youths
4. The Great Expanse - Hilltop Hoods
5. Crushin' - Julia Jacklin
6. Madame X - Madonna
7. My Songs - Sting
8. Anthem - Madeleine Peyroux
9. Celia - Angelique Kidjo
10. Better in Blak - Thelma Plum

Special Mentions: Abbey Road reissue, Grace reissue, 1999 reissue.

Podcasts
1. WTF with Marc Maron
2. Conversations with Richard Fidler
3. Chat 10, Looks 3
4. David Tennant Does a Podcast with
5. The Ringer with Quentin Tarantino
6. Song Exploder
7. Unspooled
8. Dolly Parton's America
9. Clear and Vivid with Alan Alda
10. Here's the Thing with Alec Baldwin

Live Music/Concerts
1. Iggy Pop
2. Elton John
3. Shonen Knife
4. Suzi Quattro
5. Regurgitator
6. Nancy and Beth
7. Thelma Plum
8. Yes Commissioner
9. Steve Smyth
10. Ursual Yovich

Theatre
1. Edith Piaf Show
2. Dali: Hallucinogenic Torreador
3. Love/Hate Actually
4. Fleabag
5. Forever in my life: Prince

Art Exhibitions
1. Duchamp - Gallery of NSW
2. James Drinkwater - Newcastle Art Gallery
3. Wynne/Sulman/Archibald - Gallery of NSW
4. Sodeisha - Newcastle Art Gallery
5. Trevor Dickinson - Lovett Gallery
6. Andrew Antoniou - Maitland Art Gallery
7. Kilgour Prize - Newcastle Art Gallery
8. Charles Blackman - Maitland Art Gallery
9. Us/We/Me - MAC
10. Robert Dickerson - Newcastle Art Gallery

Special Mention: the fabulous Art Gallery Tour to little galleries in Newcastle