Thursday, January 3, 2019

2019: Counting my blessings

Most of my plans for 2018 fell apart when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. 

I had to be still, be patient, be a patient, and just rest. This meant a lot of my plans and ideas were left unattended. I spent a lot of time couching it. I had to. 

So my main goals for 2018 of better health and consolidating my finances, were thrown completely out the window. Being sick is expensive...sigh...although thanks to Mr Whitlam and medicare not as expensive as it could have been!

Obviously I am hoping for a more healthy 2019 and I would say I am 80% there. I am feeling really great, but my legs and kidneys are still infected, my lungs are still so so, and I still get tired...although nowhere near as much.

And sadly sitting on my arse all year meant a little weight gain. But I am not going to be one of those douchbags talking about that 'journey'. I will do the best I can, when I can. One thing at a time.

It's funny having survived last year I keep thinking I should be tackling big things and throwing every second at life in a big way, but I don't think going down that path is right for me just now. 

So really I am just hoping for a simple year. Nothing too taxing, or out of the ordinary. No dramas, just basic and simple.

I am going to strive for a balance of Be Still/Flaneur.

Which means I need to ensure I get my rest and relax, that is to say, Be Still. This can be at home, under a tree looking at the clouds, at a cafe. Flaneur is a French word for wandering/exploring and observing the world. So heading to cities or suburbs, going for a walk, getting some exercise, and seeing what there is to be seen. I love doing that. Usually camera in hand.

More music is a given, this was my savior last year. Choir and singing for sure. Spending more time on my instruments, especially now I have a keyboard. And going to more live gigs.

So 2019 will be about the little things, and counting my blessings. I have been so lucky to have dodged the cancer bullet, I just want peace and happiness. I want to be there for everyone, like they were for me. I just want to potter around as I wish, with no stress and problems.

I will be keeping things simple, whilst taking any opportunity afforded to me, and staying still and zen.

The only big thing I wish for is a nice little holiday somewhere lovely, when I feel 100%, when I know things are back on track healthwise and with work, and when I can afford it. 

Of course, there is always my love life...huge sigh. I will be back dating at some point this year. I am a very strong, and independent feminist, but if this past year has taught me anything, it has taught me whilst I can do stuff solo and get through it a-ok, it would be really really nice to have someone there who always has your back. Without a doubt last year would have been infinitely easier if I had that. But no point looking back at disappointment, poor romantic choices and weak 'men', as I am all for looking forward to what may come.

So I am hoping 2019 will be all of this, but it may not work out that way. And that is ok too, last year has taught me more patience than I ever had and to realise that sometimes you just need to take the ride, take it a day at a time, and try not to overthink everything. You will get there!

So whatever happens, I am here to experience it, good, bad or otherwise. And that is such a magnificent thing, I can only smile.

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