DOUG: A tribute to a fine gentleman

I cannot really remember when I first met James 'Douglas' Cunningham. He just seemed to have always been there.

There being Swansea, and for me one of our most favourite customers at Swansea Library. He was a fixture in Swansea and indeed in Swansea Library. Once you knew Doug - as he was known - that was it, you were his friend for life. He was kind and considerate and interested, always interested!

Doug, a kind smiling face, always dressed impeccably, the ultimate English Gent, his backpack on his back, and stories at the ready.

As I got to know him, and him me, our conversations moved from chatter to deeper, longer conversations. 

He asked me about Facebook when he was in his mid 90s, and I organised a lesson for him. I was unsure how he would go, but nothing was out of his reach. He was computer savvy and picked it up quickly and well, and was excited about being able to be in touch with his family who did not live that close.

During that lesson he started to tell me some of the stories of his life.

Anyone who even remotely knew Doug, knew he was a splendid storyteller. Sure he probably embellished these stories a little, but he knew how to hook you in. Over the years I have heard so many stories, sometimes some on repeat, but they always interested me. Some were very dramatic and sad, some incredibly funny, others a little bawdy, some just plain ole regular stories about life.

My favourite was his meeting Richard Burton in a local pub after seeing him on the stage and having a beer with him. You read about that one here. 

Another that gave me chills, where a mystic in a cave predicted he would live to 100 and a few other things.

In time, I started a writing group with the assistance of 1233 ABC Radio. They had a 500 Words online writing group with ABC Open. Anthony Scully came out to assist with how the program worked and then I continued to facilitate a  monthly group, and asked Doug to join us. The 500 Words were on an autobiographical topic, and it was just perfect for Doug.

Initially he wrote and put them online himself but then his computer crashed and in his late 90s he didn't want to get a new one. So he would then write up each story in the most beautiful long hand cursive writing. Always on the 500 words limit and never needing editing. I would type them up for him and upload them to the ABC Open site.

His stories were a hit, as you can see from his section of the site, and also within our group that met monthly at Swansea Library.

I knew Anthony would love Doug, as he was a great interviewer and finder of interesting characters for his work at 1233 ABC Radio. And so I introduced them, and he made this wonderful video of Doug in his glory, holding court with others, and visiting our lovely library. It is one of my proudest moments of being a Librarian. This is our job, to make sure the community feels included, and with Doug, he sure did.

During the time of our writing project, our group was invited to read a story each at a special 500 Words session at the 2nd Newcastle Writers Festival. A huge coup for the group and indeed our library. We were all very excited, but none as much as Doug. He taped his story, and whilst he attended the day, we felt it was easier to play the tape than put the pressure of performing on him. He was very excited during the trip from Swansea to City Hall, Newcastle. He was incredibly proud to be invited and we wondered about our reception. 

Would anyone be there??

The session was inundated with people, standing room only and spilling out in the corridors of City Hall. Doug was front and centre and applauding and supporting all of us who had to stand in front of the large crowd and tell our story. His story got the biggest applause and he took part in the Q and A session at the end. Actually he took it over, had much to say and stole the show, it was hilarious and wonderful. People had come especially to meet him, from reading his stories online. So many people wanted to hug him and shake his hand. I was overwhelmed by the love in the room and he took it by his stride.

He spoke about the importance of documenting your life and the importance of libraries. I couldn't have been prouder.

Later that week he visited me and thanked me for helping him. Totally unnecessary, it was all part of my job and I loved him so of course I would help him! He said the day was so inspiring but also tiring, he slept for a few days to recover, lol. But he had loved every minute of it!

For those that knew him, he was an incredible man. He always looked decades younger than his actual age, most people wouldn't believe he was in his 90s. He regaled me with stories of taking the 'oldies', from the retirement village he lived in, to Sydney on the train on excursions to the theatre. I am fairly certain these oldies were about 2-3 decades younger than him.

He loved ladies, in that lovely old-fashioned English way. He was very charming, and the only customer I would allow to hug and kiss me. He was a beautiful and gentle soul.

Doug lived life large, this is obvious from his stories. He had suffered hardships, his father dying when he was very young, his wife passed from cancer, an earlier love suiciding in later life, and so on. But he always gravitated towards the joy and beauty in life.

He was always active physically, and more importantly mentally. I firmly believe that (and probably good genetics) was the reason he lived to be 102.

His 100th was a magnificent celebration, with the local pub inundated with people of all ages. He was visibly overwhelmed but loved every single minute of it.

A few months later, I asked him to be a guest of the library for our conversations series, Share the Story with Carol Duncan. Carol was excited to meet Doug, and Doug thrilled to meet her and be centre of attention. It was a fabulous Saturday morning with a full house. He was nervous when I collected him, and couldn't find his favourite bow-tie, I helped him find and attach it. But once he settled into the interview at the library he was fine. He told all sorts of stories, and had everyone in the palm of his hand. There were many tears from his stories, but also many laughs. I have never seen so many smiling faces leaving the library after the event. Everyone had thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

Carol asked him at the end, the secret to life. He paused and looked at her with a little bamboozled look. "It's life, and you've got to enjoy it" he said. And no one would disagree with him, a man who knew how to enjoy life remarkably.

Less than a year later, as he was coming up to his 101st birthday, he was hospitalised and no one knew what was going on, but it sounded grim.

I tracked him down at Belmont hospital and visited him...with much trepidation.

I just didn't know how i would cope if he was in a bad way. I needn't have worried. He was in fine form. He looked great and was very chatty. The nurses told me that he'd had a few visits from women and he was quite enjoying himself. Sounds about right I replied.

So he told me he had a stroke. And to be honest i didn't believe him. Always a storyteller and all. He looked and moved so well. But I noticed a few minor things as I was there and I think he was telling the truth!

How bloody remarkable.

He wanted to know all the library gossip before telling me some stories. So I sat and held his hand and listened. And he told me a story I had not heard before

He loves talking about his beloved mother. A single Mum and feminist way before her time.

He said she approached him with a very sharp knife when he was 7 and told him it was time he took the cut. He had no idea what she meant but the knife looked daunting. She told him it was very important, he had no choice and he should close his eyes. She said I'm going to cut some joy into you. Here is the spot and it'll hurt but you're brave and you'll be fine.

To which end she put the point of the knife on his chest just enough for him to feel it. She wiped something on his chest and said he could open his eyes. He asked if he bled and she said only a little, but I put a cream on it and it's gone. But now you have joy in you and you must remember never ever to forget that. Use that joy everyday and your life will be long and happy.

He looked at me and said and i have always remembered that Cathy and she was right. I'm so happy here right now. I'm meeting new people and being looked after. And I'm full of joy.

And if that's not the meaning of life I really don't know what is.

My favourite memories will be his impromptu visits. I'd hear him enter the library, he knew how to project his voice and speak with authority, but still in a kind way. You'd hear him before you saw him, greeting everyone in his presence. Of course, almost everyone knew him, and those that didn't soon would. He would stop at the front desk and chat with the team, he loved them all and loved to chat with them. Then I'd hear him ask if the boss was in, lol!

I then knew I would lose at least half an hour of my day but I never cared. No matter how busy I was, I always considered it a privilege to spend time chatting with him. He would give me a hug and a kiss, take off his back pack and sit in my office. He always had plenty to tell me, about a trip, the theatre, friends, events, he was busy!!! Then there would be something that reminded him of an old story, so he would tell me that. Once he had gotten everything off his chest that he wanted to tell me, he would ask about me, the library, and what was going on in Swansea that I knew. We chatter back and forth and then he'd give me a list of topics and books he was interested in for me to find for him. It was always something historical or political or just plain fascinating. Sometimes they were for stories he was writing, to get the facts correct, other times, just things that had come up since he last visited that he wanted to know more about.

What brilliant intellect, and what a brain!!!

He loved the library and was a firm supporter of it. Not only did he attend the writing classes, but Movie Book Club, and Movie Nights.

He would turn up to Movie Night dressed in a tuxedo, it was a night out! He loved the films. We scheduled Raising Arizona, and I was worried as there was a bit of language in it. The crowd was mostly elderly, as the movie finished I was waiting to hear what people thought. There were a few unsure faces, I asked Doug. He replied to me, "it's the Coens Cathy, I love them. They're great!!" and then no one else was really game to say anything negative, cause if someone in their very late 90s wasn't bothered why should they be!

And I should have known better, never under estimate Doug!

Although his cheekier side would keep you on your toes.

I was working the front desk one afternoon, when he popped by, and sat down for a chat and started to tell me a story.

'You are going to love this Cathy, you would never guess who I met the other day.' Oh I said, tell me!

And he started this story with a twinkle in his eye. A lot of his stories had elaborate beginnings involving him catching varying transport to his destination, usually an event with friends and he would go through who was who and why they were there. So he told me all about that, and once it was over he was in Beaumont Street, Hamilton, walking for a bus, when he fell over. A young gentlemen helped him up and he thought he looked familiar. He thanked the young man for helping him and offered to buy him a drink, so they headed for the pub for a drink. 

The man was English, and very good looking, he said to me with eyes twinkling and grin sharp. He told me after some chatter he asked him his name, to which he said, Colin Firth. I cracked up laughing, and said Colin Firth!?! Yes, Cathy, you know, the young chap from Pride and Prejudice. I couldn't stop laughing, Doug, I know him well and I think if he was in Newcastle I would know about it. He laughed and said I know, but I knew you'd enjoy the story so I made it up for you! It made me smile for days. 

The stories are endless from the decade or so that I had the privilege and pleasure of knowing Doug until he passed away this week at the age of 102.

He was a staunch supporter of the library and a breath of fresh air whenever he visited.

I was recently at his 102 birthday party, just a few weeks ago, and he was too unwell to attend. But the party went ahead, as that is what he would have wanted. He was the special type of person who touched everyone who knew him, we all should be so lucky.

I wanted to place as many of my memories, stories, photos, and his stories together in one easily retrievable link, hence this long blog.

So please forgive my indulgence, but it’s not often you get to say goodbye to someone who has lived on this earth so very long with such a passionate and brilliant impact on everyone who knew him.